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Elephant Jokes -- Drive your friends crazy

You should remember that these jokes which are mostly in a Question and Answer format are usually interconnected. Ask these questions to your friends and drive them mad....


Where do you find elephants?
It depends on where you lost them.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the elephants!"

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing
sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognize them.

Why did the elephants wear sunglasses?
With all these dumb jokes going around, would YOU want to be recognized?

What did the elephants say when they saw Tarzan coming over the hill?
Nothing, elephants can't talk.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the giraffes coming over the hill?
"Ha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
Grapes are purple.

What did Jane say when he she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the grapes!" (She was color blind.)

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant if you're color
blind?
Dance on it for a while. If you don't get any wine, it's an elephant.

What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
Free parking

What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
Optimistic.

What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
Sole use of the elevator.

How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
His bike is outside.

How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
There's a dent in the cross-bar.

How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
Stand on the bike and look in the window.

How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.

How do you shoot a red elephant?
No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then
shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

How do you shoot a green elephant?
Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and
then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

How do you shoot a white elephant?
With a white elephant gun.

How do you shoot a grey elephant?
Tell it scary stories until it turns white, then shoot him with a white elephant
gun.

Why do elephants wear sandals?
So they don't sink into the sand.

Why do ostriches walk around with their heads in the sand?
They're looking for elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

How can you tell when an elephant is getting ready to charge?
He asks if you accept Visa.

Why do elephants have trunks?
1) Because they don't have glove compartments.
2) Because they'd look silly, carrying suitcases.

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
It was glued to the first one.

Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
She thought it was a game.

Why did the tree fall down?
It thought it was an elephant.

What's the difference between an elephant and a mailbox?
Well, if you don't know then how do you get your mail?

Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
Because they might let down their trunks.

Why don't elephants ride bicycles?
They don't have thumbs to ring the bells.

Why do elephants paint each toenail a different color?
So they can hide in jelly bean jars.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a jelly bean jar?
See, it works!

Why did the elephants wear pink tee-shirts?
They were all on the same team.

What did Tarzan say as he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing pink
tee-shirts?
"They must all be on the same team."

What looks like an elephant and flies?
A flying elephant.

How does an elephant get out of a phone booth?
The same way he got in.

Why do elephants have wrinkles?
Ever tried to iron an elephant?

Why are elephants large, lumpy, and grey?
Because if they were small, round, and white, they would be crocin tablets.

How can you tell if there's an elephant under your bed?
Lay down on your bed. If you can touch the ceiling with your nose...

What's the difference between elephants and grapes?
Grapes are purple.

What's purple and has 10,000 volts?
Electric grapes.

What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
Sir.

-What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
Anything you want, it cant hear you. -


Q: What's grey on the inside and pink and white on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.

Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.

Q: How do you know Tarzan is in the fridge?
A: You can hear Tarzan scream: "OYOYOYOIYOIYOOOOOO!!!"

Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You can't, silly, there is only one Tarzan!

Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle?
A: Tarzans fridge is not large enough to hold them all.

Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.

Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants do their parachute jumping.

Q: What is a furry alligator?
A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.

Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.

Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work then.

Why do Ducks have big flat feet?
So they can stomp out forrest fires!

Why do Elephants have big flat feet?
So they can stop out smoldering ducks!


Why do Elephants paint their toenails red?
So they can hide in the strawberry patch.

Have you ever seen an Elephant in a strawberry patch?
See! It works!

How do you get five Elephants in a Volkswagen?
Two in the front, and three in the back.

How do the Elephants get out of the cherry trees?
They sit on a leaf, and wait 'til Fall.

How did Tarzan die?
Picking cherries!

Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between 2 and 4 each afternoon?
Because that's when the elephants jump out of the trees.

Why are pygmies so small?
Because they go into the jungle between 2 and 4 every afternoon.

What's that brown stuff between an elephant's toes?
Slow pygmies.

What would you get if Batman and Robin were run over by a herd of stampeding
elephants?
Flatman and Ribbon.

Why did they throw the elephants out of the public swimming pool?
Beause they couldn't hold up their trunks.

What's the difference between an elephant and peanut butter?
An elephant doesn't stick to the roof of your mouth.

Two mice captured an elephant. The first mouse said to the second, "You guard
the elephant while I go get help."
When he got back with some friends half-an-hour later, the elephant was gone.
"What did you do with him?" asked the first mouse of the second.
"I don't know where he is!" the second mouse responded.
The first mouse got really angry. "Don't lie to me! I can see that you're still
chewing!"

Why did the elephant paint himself all-different colors?
So he could hide in the crayon box.

Why does an elephant wear red sneakers?
So he can hide in a cherry tree.

Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree? No?
Works, doesn't it?

Why do elephants wear green tennis shoes?
To hide in the tall, tall grass.

Why do elephants wear white tennis shoes?
Because their red and green ones are in the wash.

How do you fit four elephants in a Volkswagen?
Two in the front and two in the back.

How do you fit six elephants into a Volkswagen?
Silly, everyone knows you can't fit six elephants in a Volkswagen!

How do you know if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
You can see his footprints in the butter.

How do you fit six elephants in a Volkswagen?
Two in the front, two in the rear and two in the glove compartment!!

How do you catch an elephant?
Hide in the grass and make a noise like a peanut.

Why do elephants wear bright green nail polish?
So they can hide in the pea patch.


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